Lab Rats Eat Saccharine . . . Get Fat! -- SAY WHAT?
The "Four Letter" Word . . . RATS . . .
Things that just make you wanna curse out loud
February 14, 2008
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By: O. J. Cunningham
Monday, it started.
First, I heard it on the radio on "Mancow's Morning Mad House.".
Laboratory Rats gain more weight eating saccharine than by eating sugar.
Then, I heard it again on Dennis Miller's Talk Show during an afternoon drive to an appointment.
Laboratory Rats gain more weight eating saccharine than by eating sugar. Miller and his guest we're damn near crying from laughing so hard.
Why is everyone laughing about this? This is serious.
Monday night's Bay City Times had the same article in their left hand column on the front page (The Off Beat). RATS, RATS, RATS . . . It's all about the RATS.
I'm really PO'd. Actually, I swore out loud when I read the Bay City Time article.
"What's the matter, dear," the lovely Donna Jean (wife) asked?
"It's the Freakin' RATS," I growled. "They're getting fat on diet yogurt."
She looked at me kinda funny . . . like she didn't quite understand.
How can she not understand about the RATS?
And what would a trim-figured little woman know about Lab Rats anyway?
Donna Jean's BMI is below the radar line . . . probably in the "teens." My BMI is "greater than" it's supposed to be. Let's leave it at that.
I got 40 pounds to lose. The recent Lab Rat study is not helping.
Here's the skinny on the Lab Rat - Saccharine hoopla.
A recent Lab Rat study indicates that Lab Rats gained weight when they ate yogurt sweetened with saccharine but not when it was sweetened with glucose (sugar). SAY WHAT?
I eat diet food . . . diet coke . . . diet salad dressing . . . drink lite beer, etc, etc. (ALL of US Big-Boned Guys Do.)
The Lab Rat test result sort of flies in the face of why us beefy guys are eating sugar substitutes like saccharine in the first place - To help US lose weight.
Eat more calories than you need, and you'll gain weight.
Eat fewer calories than you need, and you'll lose weight.
Thanks for the tip, Doctor Know-It_All.
We All Know That.
MY wants and needs are simple when it comes to food.
What I want is to be able to eat all the damn chips and cheese I can get my hands on at 7:00 p.m. and know that it's "diet chips and cheese" . . . so that later on, I can have all the damn "sugar-free ice cream" I want . . . while watching Comedy Central's Jon Stewart.
And I want to "think" I won't gain weight doing it.
In my way of thinking, if the Lab Rat Study is right, that puts the saccharine people on the same circle of Dante's Hell as the Joe Camel people. They should all burn for eternity.
I don't eat chips and cheese cuz I'm hungry.
I don't eat rationally.
I eat cuz it feels good.
I think eating is part of the ritual of watching sports, or seeing a good TV movie, to munch on bar cheese, cheese-flavored popcorn or cashews.
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And I've always counted on the saccharine people to give me junk I can eat without gaining outrageous poundage. Now, there's a chance they've been lying to me all along.
I kinda feel the same about this saccharine Lab Rat study as I did when I found out that Wonder Bread (Helps Build Strong Bodies 8 Ways) wasn't so wonderful.
Wonder Bread sponsored Howdy Doody with host Buffalo Bob Smith telling the audience, "Wonder Bread builds strong bodies 8 ways. Look for the red, yellow and blue balloons printed on the wrapper."
By the 1960s Wonder Bread was advertised with the slogan "Helps build strong bodies 12 ways," referring to the number of added nutrients. In 1986, the lower-calorie Wonder Light bread was introduced.
Today . . . Many feel that Wonder Bread has too many "added nutrients" and maybe a more "natural" baking process with more "natural ingredients is better.
But . . . How could I not believe Howdy Doody and Buffalo Bob?
Now it's the saccharine people that might have lied. I bet I've guzzled 1.5 million bottles of Diet Coke in the last 30 years. And I'm 40 pounds more than I want to be when I step on the scale.
Maybe it's best to just get back to basics . . . "Move More, Eat Better . . . REPEAT."
I wonder if one day, we'll find out that cauliflower, broccoli and wax beans are bad.
Maybe I'll get my own set of Lab Rats. But, don't tell the Lab Rat people.
Columns Article 2314
O. J. Cunningham
O. J. Cunningham is the Publisher of MyBayCity.com. Cunningham previously published Sports Page & Bay City Enterprise. He is the President/CEO of OJ Advertising, Inc.
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